yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
