You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
