True but thats because hes a fetus.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
