I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
