Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
