its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
