dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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