She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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