And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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