Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
