Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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