Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
