No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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