I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
