he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
