im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
