I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
