I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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