I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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