Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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