I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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