The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
