no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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