You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
