Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
