It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
