that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
