I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
