Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
