My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
