Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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