Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
