whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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