No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
