How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
