Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
