If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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