i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
