Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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