your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
