I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
