You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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