I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
