i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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