No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
