he wants to bone in the snuggie
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
