Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
