from now on my penis is your penis
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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