im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
