I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
