when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
