I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
